Race horse loses rider but wins our hearts by racing without him
2023-04-15 01:12:59author：dointy.com
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Race horse loses rider but wins our hearts by racing without him
They're calling him a dark horse, but we see nothing but a bright beacon of what perseverance in the face of adversity looks like.
At the Preakness Stakes show Saturday on Baltimore’s Pimlico Race Course, the take-no-sh*t horse named Bodexpress bucked off his rider before even leaving the gate. But he wasn't gonna let the split on the account of their creative differences keep him from doing what he does best: racing his goddamn heart out.
Embodying the #resistance movement, Bodexpress persisted, completing the entire race without his jockey.
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His joyride of freedom might not have been within the rulebook of the Pimlico Race Course, but it was a victory for the spirit. Bodexpress became an internet sensation, even getting his own Twitter moment(Opens in a new tab).
Despite stealing the show, though, he was ultimately disqualified for not finishing the race (which is BS, if you ask us). Ironically, the much less strong-willed horse named War of Will took the prize home instead.
Bodexpress' jockey, John Velazquez, was thankfully uninjured -- aside from the hurt to his pride.
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"When the doors opened, I was off right from the start. He kind of jumped sideways," he told ESPN about their disastrous start. "I had my feet out of the irons, so I lost my balance then, I went off."
But honestly we get it. Maybe Bodexpress just got tired of only getting half the credit while doing most of the work. Maybe he's a symbol of the proletariat revolt that late stage capitalism needs. After all, it's the horse who's out there busting his ass winning races yet this guy gets all the fame and glory? Not in our America, buddy.
"He was just not behaving good in the gate. He was not sitting really well," said Velazquez, in a completely incorrect assessment of this very good boy horse's behavior.
We don't care if you didn't officially win, Bodexpress. You're a hero. And you don't let The Man tell you what races you can and can't participate in.
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The internet made sooooo many jokes about Trumps fake news trophy tweet
Perhaps the biggest bummer about Twitter's new 280-character limit is that it allows the current president to compose tweets like this one:
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On Monday morning, President Donald Trump hit Twitter to suggest a "FAKE NEWS TROPHY" for whichever news network he deems produces "the most dishonest, corrupt" coverage of his presidency. As usual, Fox was excluded from Trump's media rage.
In the same tweet, Trump referred to himself as the American people's favorite president with a parenthetical "(me)." According the most recent Gallup(opens in a new tab) poll, the self-described "favorite" president's approval rating currently sits at 37 percent.
Naturally the internet jumped all over Trump's first tweet of the day. Some even have a solid suggestion for Trump's proposed "FAKE NEWS TROPHY":
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Project Entrepreneur expands accelerator program to help more women entrepreneurs build scalable companies
Since launching in 2015, Project Entrepreneur(opens in a new tab) — a media partner of Mashable — has trained more than 1,200 aspiring entrepreneurs representing 131 U.S. cities. Its annual venture competition has yielded an alumnae community of nearly 400 women entrepreneurs, with the 2016 finalists reporting $10+ million raised in seed and pre-seed funding.
Now entering its third year, Project Entrepreneur (PE) — an initiative from the Rent the Runway Foundation and UBS Elevating Entrepreneurs(opens in a new tab) — is expanding the number of winning companies in the accelerator from three to five.
“We are so excited to continue working with UBS in providing women with the tools they need to create high-growth companies, and see their visions through,” said Jennifer Hyman, CEO and Co-Founder of Rent the Runway. “Past participants in our accelerator continue to inspire us with their incredible progress, including closing rounds of funding. We are eager to provide the next class of talented female founders with the tools and support they need to scale, and to see the disruption their companies bring to various different industries.”
PE's annual venture competition is open to female founders who are in the prototype or beta stages, have their first paying customers, or are generating revenue. The top 200 applicants will be invited to attend the PE Intensive in New York City on April 13-14, 2018, a free two-day event comprised of in-depth workshops, expert speakers and a pitch competition. The five winning founders will each receive a $10,000 grant, a spot in the five-week accelerator program at Rent the Runway’s New York office and mentorship and engagement with UBS executives, entrepreneurs, and investors. Founders interested can apply online(opens in a new tab); but don’t wait, as the deadline is December 1st!
Last year’s winning companies included: New York-based LOLI Beauty(opens in a new tab), the first BIY (Blend It Yourself) clean and green beauty brand; Scottsdale-based The Touchpoint Solution(opens in a new tab), a neuroscience wearable that alleviates stress by altering the body’s stress response in as little as 30 seconds; and San Francisco-based Lace & Liberty(opens in a new tab), merging direct-to-consumer convenience with luxury bespoke bridalwear. Two additional New York-based companies were hosted by The Knot/XO Group Co-Founder Carley Roney and designer Rebecca Minkoff: Repeat Roses(opens in a new tab), a sustainable floral waste removal business that gives back to people and planet, and Reboundwear(opens in a new tab), athleisure wear with a purpose, respectively.
“The caliber of companies we're seeing through Project Entrepreneur further validates what we've always believed — that there is an incredible population of talented female founders in cities and towns across the country,” said Lori Feinsilver, UBS Head of Community Affairs & Corporate Responsibility, Americas. “Being able to reach these women and provide them with access to resources and support that will help fuel their growth gives us confidence that we can indeed level the playing field.”
Visit projectentrepreneur.org/apply(opens in a new tab) for details on Project Entrepreneur’s Venture Competition, and check out PE’s resources including #theTools podcast(opens in a new tab), blog posts(opens in a new tab) and educational modules(opens in a new tab).
This article is part of a media partnership between Mashable & Project Entrepreneur. For more information, visit here(opens in a new tab).
Two people trying to run the same government agency makes for a really awkward first day
Revolutionaries, take note -- if you're planning a government takeover, please use high quality breakfast pastries.
That's a lesson that White House Budget Director Mick Mulvaney(opens in a new tab) apparently hadn't learned when he stepped into the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau today. He was there to take on an additional job as the agency's director.
The only problem? The agency's acting director, Leandra English, refused to cede it to him, in the workplace drama of the decade.
As a Trump appointee, Mulvaney wasn't exactly welcomed at at the job, so he brought crappy Dunkin' Donuts as a way to "ease" himself into an agency he's expected to destroy.
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Sorry, Cards Against Humanity can't stop Trump's wall
On Friday, Director Richard Cordray(opens in a new tab) stepped down, leaving English to serve as acting director. Last night, English filed a lawsuit claiming that she is the "rightful acting director" of the agency. English has asked the court to impose a temporary restraining order to prevent Trump from appointing anyone, arguing that she is entitled to her position under the Dodd Frank Wall Street Reform Law(opens in a new tab).
Mulvaney brings donuts to his first day at CFPB. Couldn’t hurt. pic.twitter.com/BpKJ2nd1L0(opens in a new tab)
— Katie Rogers (@katierogers) November 27, 2017(opens in a new tab)
None of that stopped Mulvaney. On Monday, the Budget Director stepped into the CFPB, ready to take on his new job.
This is how English responded in an email sent to 1,600 staff.
"I hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving. With Thanksgiving in mind, I wanted to take a moment to share my gratitude to all of you for your service,” English said(opens in a new tab), signing the note with her title, "Acting Director."
And that, my friends, is what we call a death drop.
Via Giphy(opens in a new tab)
Here's how Mulvaney responded:
“Please disregard any instructions you receive from Ms. English in her presumed capacity as acting director.” Mulvaney said(opens in a new tab). “I apologize for this being the very first thing you hear from me. However, under the circumstances I suppose it is necessary. If you’re at 1700 G Street today, please stop by the fourth floor to say hello and grab a doughnut.”
If Mulvaney, a budget hawk, thinks he can sway members of an agency whose jobs he's poised to eliminate with Dunkin' Donuts, he's out of his mind. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau(opens in a new tab) was explicitly designed to protect consumers from banks and credit card companies. Mulvaney once famously called the agency "sad" and "sick." He is not, as members of the agency likely know, their friend.
And dude, if you're going to try and win your staff over with breakfast pastries, at least go for something slightly more delicious than Dunkin'. Some suggestions:
Krispy Kreme
Entenmann's Coffee Cake
Savory bacon cheddar scones
Literally anything else
The case is currently being decided. In the meantime, here's Twitter's majority opinion on the issue:
We actually have two people claiming to be the CFPB acting director and this is *not* a romantic comedy where they fall in love at the end. pic.twitter.com/R80kPJdQrN(opens in a new tab)
— Matt Fuller (@MEPFuller) November 27, 2017(opens in a new tab)
Donuts were a big hit at cfpb. Like they always are. @MickMulvaneyOMB(opens in a new tab) pic.twitter.com/zgX5Y1Rlt3(opens in a new tab)
— john czwartacki (@CZ) November 27, 2017(opens in a new tab)
If there's a Trump strategy here, it's to sideline her as a CFPB messenger by starting round 10,000 of the stupid "Pocahontas" story
— Dave Weigel (@daveweigel) November 27, 2017(opens in a new tab)
what if i went to the cfpb with bagels and was like "i am your new king, follow me"
— Matt Levine (@matt_levine) November 27, 2017(opens in a new tab)
we should find out who is the real acting director by threatening to cut the CFPB in half
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) November 27, 2017(opens in a new tab)
Chef José Andrés, the man who single-handedly served 3 million meals to Puerto Rico post Hurricane Maria, had the best response of them all.
@CFPB(opens in a new tab) team members! i know is confusing. To have two bosses? Please bring a proof you work there to any of our DC restaurants and first drink is on us...
— José Andrés (@chefjoseandres) November 27, 2017(opens in a new tab)
Woman posts video of crocodile attack, and it is heartstopping
Welp, this is a close call.
A tourist was bitten on the leg by a crocodile on at Cape Tribulation in Queensland, Australia on Monday night, while standing on a creek bank close to the waters edge.
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Maybe don't get a photo with your friends inside a crocodile trap
A Queensland Department of Environment and Heritage Protection (EHP) spokesperson said in a statement the crocodile was estimated to be 2 to 2.5 metres (78 to 98 inches) long.
A video posted on the Facebook page of Ally Bullifent shows the crocodile attack, which comes out of nowhere. It'll be sure to give you a shock.
The EHP said it would carry out a site assessment of the area on Tuesday, and will possibly target the crocodile "for removal" as it has displayed dangerous behaviour in a designated area. This means it'll be moved to a crocodile farm or a zoo, according to the Cairns Post(opens in a new tab).
For authorities, it also serves as a reminder about staying safe in areas where crocodiles might be around. Earlier this year, an 18-year-old boy was attacked by a crocodile while reportedly trying to impress a girl.
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Town crier who announced Prince Harrys engagement to Meghan Markle is 100% fake
England, with its quirky traditions and old-fashioned customs, is a land of endless fascination for outsiders, nominally for people from the former colony of the U.S.
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The most adorable revelations from Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's first interview
So it's understandable why a town crier -- with his elaborate, red and gold robed dress and tricorn hat -- attracted people's attention on social media when he was depicted in an ABC News video as he announces the news of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's engagement outside of Buckingham Palace:
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"Oyez, oyez, oyz!" He yells in the video. "Buckingham Palace is proud to announce the engagement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. God save the Queen!"
It can't get any more British than this.
Business Insider posted a similar video, calling him "the Royal Town Crier":
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However, it turns out the eccentric guy is not officially appointed by the Queen, nor is he a real town crier. His real name is Tony Appleton, from Romford, east London, and he's been making royal announcements for years, bell and scroll on hand.
In 2013, he fooled prominent American broadcasters(opens in a new tab) including Rachel Maddow and Anderson Cooper when he announced the birth of Prince William and Kate's firstborn, Prince George, outside St. Mary's Hospital.
"I'm a royalist. I love the royal family," he told (opens in a new tab)AP(opens in a new tab), while acknowledging he had no official royal role. "I came unannounced."
Still, many Americans fell for it:
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Cheeky theory is the best explanation yet for the Prince Harry and Meghan Markle engagement
News of the engagement between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle caught Americans' imagination just like any other story about the British royals -- births, anniversaries, celebrations, jubilees, and so on.
SEE ALSO:
'Town crier' who announced Prince Harry's engagement to Meghan Markle is 100% fake
But what if behind the jolly facade of a couple in love wishing to declare their commitment before God and the nation there's an actual conspiracy to reclaim a former colony, lost in a never-forgotten, embittered war?
That's the joke Greg Pollowitz, editor at Twitchy.com, dug up to explain the royal announcement:
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Meghan Markle is American, so the future offspring will be Americans! Da-daam! Boom! Mic drop!
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It was just a cheeky tweet, but it went absolutely viral and people just loved it:
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There was the obvious Brexit reference:
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As well as the Trump one:
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Some conjectured a crossover between two incredibly popular TV shows:
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But in general the tweets reacting to the joke were just hilarious:
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While someone took it a bit too seriously:
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Dog, sick and tired of waiting in car, slams his paw on the horn
It will be a long time before America finally grants dogs the right to drive.
Until then, dogs will have to do what they can to keep themselves entertained. Take this pup, who was recently left alone in a parking lot in " target="_blank">Nanaimo, British Columbia(opens in a new tab), and slammed its paw on the car horn out of exhaustion. And then it kept it there. For a long time.
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The video was captured by Joris Wiggers and posted on Facebook by Elizabeth Herman(opens in a new tab). It's not entirely clear that the dog knows how to get his paw off the horn, but no problem, doggo, that's what driver's permits are for.
Arbys bought Buffalo Wild Wings, so heres what a combined menu would look like
On Tuesday it was announced that Arby's owner Roark Capital will acquire(opens in a new tab) Buffalo Wild Wings for $2.4 billion (or roughly(opens in a new tab) 162,271,805 orders of BWW House Samplers).
Per Reuters(opens in a new tab), though the wings restaurant will become property of Arby's, it'll still operate on its own.
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We think this is a huge mistake.
Consider the disturbing menu possibilities a marriage of Arby's meats and BWW wings might afford us.
Our suggestions for this menu full of abominations below:
A half-pound Beef 'N Cheddar sandwich dipped in Bourbon Honey Mustard sauce, rolled in Desert Heat seasoning and deep fried
An entire smoked brisket coated in Blazin' hot sauce and served whole on a bed of deep-fried Cheddar Cheese Curds
Potato cakes drenched in Wild sauce
Beer-battered roast beef tacos
An Arby's House Sampler, featuring 12 classic Roast Beef sandwiches stacked in a pyramid
A Crispy Chicken Farmhouse Salad dressed with Hot BBQ sauce
Boneless Wings coated in Cheddar Cheese sauce
A Corned Beef 'N Cheese Slider cut up into pieces and sprinkled over Buffalo Mac & Cheese
A Cheese Curd Bacon Burger with a Pizza Slider speared on top
Every Arby's slider stacked in a tower and adhered to each another with smears of Parmesan Garlic sauce
The pastry shell of an Apple Turnover, filled with the B-Dubs Blender shake flavor of your choice
A large Ultimate Chocolate Shake blended with a slice of Chocolate Fudge Cake and drizzled over a plate of Dessert Nachos
Cheesecake Bites
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Cops share photo of a driver that went a little too hard with their Christmas tree
Look, if you want to cut down a massive Christmas tree, and stick it up inside your two-story living room, go for it. But maybe don't endanger anyone's life in the process.
Police in Massachusetts put up a post on their Facebook page on Friday, reminding people to please transport their Christmas trees safely. They really shouldn't have to do this, but here we are.
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"One of our officer's stopped this vehicle on Route 20 today," the cops said on Facebook(opens in a new tab), posting a photo of what appears to be a Prius topped with a Christmas tree.
The tree is so large, it completely obstructs the view of the side and rear windows. It's not clearly visible, but we're also guessing that it wasn't tied down very well.
While the tree transport was outrageous to say the least, most people in the comments were upset that the police decided to call the tree a "holiday tree" instead of a Christmas tree.
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2017 was the year Congresswoman Maxine Waters was elected president of All in With Chris Hayes.
From the moment she declared that the director of the FBI had "no legitimacy" and then death dropped in front of a gaggle of shellshocked reporters, 79-year-old Auntie Maxine has had our blood loyalty. Every floor she walked on in 2017, whether it was in the Capitol or at the MTV Movie Awards, became her stage and ultimately, a property in her empire.
More so than any other "deplorable" president with a Ziploc bag of fleas for a brain, Maxine Waters was the de facto leader of the free world/MSNBC in 2017.
SEE ALSO:
Interview: Maxine Waters thinks millennials can change politics for everyone (yes, everyone)
Congresswoman Waters gave us so many viral gifts in 2017. Here are just a few of them.
1. The time she accused James Comey of having no credibility and then just walked on out
2. When she revealed that she was "never going to go" to Trump's Inauguration because, "I don't honor him, I don't respect him and I don't want to be involved with him."
3. The time she was asked what she would do once she was done impeaching Trump, and she replied: "Impeach Pence."
4. When she delivered MTV's first ever "Best Fight Against the System" award, did a plié, and got a standing ovation.
5. When she tweeted that it was time for our "racist throwback" Attorney General to go back "to the plantation"
Sessions doesn't remember what he said, when he said it, & where he was when he said it. Don't blame him. Time to go back to the plantation.
— Maxine Waters (@RepMaxineWaters) November 3, 2017(opens in a new tab)
6. Her "Bye, Felicia" moment
Tillerson's plans are backfiring. Russia sanctions still in place, State is in shambles, & he discovered his boss is a moron. Bye Felicia!
— Maxine Waters (@RepMaxineWaters) October 6, 2017(opens in a new tab)
7. When she busted out this stunner of jean jacket, rose pants ensemble at the Tax March
Credit: tom williams/CQ-Roll Call,Inc.
8. When she started railing against Trump and told a room full of supporters, "We've got to stop his ass"
9. The moment she just said it:
Maxine Waters on Trump: "I think he's the most deplorable person I've ever met in my life" https://t.co/25utCvqtAh(opens in a new tab) pic.twitter.com/pLADTiE9l1(opens in a new tab)
— The Hill (@thehill) August 4, 2017(opens in a new tab)
10. And the tweet that did it too:
Trump asked what Blacks had to lose. It was apparently healthcare, housing, college admission, & freedom after Sessions locks everyone up
— Maxine Waters (@RepMaxineWaters) August 2, 2017(opens in a new tab)
11. That day Bill O'Reilly tried to humiliate Auntie Maxine and just ... lol, sorry bro. She can't be intimidated.
12. When she "reclaimed her time" from Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin
13. So the internet did too
14. And the Women's March made "Reclaiming my time" the theme of a whole convention
Credit: rachel woolf/The Washington Post/Getty Images
15. When Congresswoman Maxine Waters finally passed on her torch to the generation that needs it the most.
These kids dressed up as Maxine Waters for Halloween to #ReclaimTheirCandy(opens in a new tab)https://t.co/BbSP1haf5c(opens in a new tab) pic.twitter.com/8jI1fHSw6W(opens in a new tab)
— Mashable (@mashable) October 31, 2017(opens in a new tab)
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Ivanka Trump tweeted about going to The Hague and everyone had the same reaction
Ivanka's seemingly innocent tweet today did not go as planned.
As Ivanka Trump was headed to the 2019 Global Entrepreneurship Summit(Opens in a new tab) at The Hague in the Netherlands on Wednesday, she sent the following seemingly innocuous tweet.
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Thing is, The Hague is also home to the seat of the UN's International Court of Justice(Opens in a new tab) and the International Criminal Court(Opens in a new tab), which are two very important places where international criminals and cases are tried.
SEE ALSO:
Ivanka Trump was just given the Internet Freedom Award. LOL.
While Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner haven't been formally accused of any international crimes, they do have a lengthy(Opens in a new tab) (and growing(Opens in a new tab)) list(Opens in a new tab) of allegations(Opens in a new tab) of corruption(Opens in a new tab) and ethically(Opens in a new tab) questionable behavior following them around, and the opportunity for jokes was too good for many Twitter users to pass up.
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Alas, the visit is only for Ivanka to give a speech(Opens in a new tab) at the summit but, like her father, it seems there will be a protest(Opens in a new tab) to meet her once she arrives.
The 7 best Zoom and work-from-home moments of 2021, so far
At this point — what, a year and half into the pandemic? — you'd think the world would be accustomed to Zoom. And, for the most part, we all have gotten better at video chatting and working from home.
But better isn't perfect. While last year was replete with Zoom screwups, 2021 has seen far less failure. Still, halfway through the year, we managed to scrape together seven of our favorite Zoom and work-from-home fails and funny moments. Here they are.
1. That lawyer who accidentally showed up to virtual court with a cat filter on
Remember Rod Ponton, the Texas lawyer who went viral when he couldn't figure out how to remove a cat filter during court? How could you forget?
2. This teacher and his lovely dog Lila, who really caused an issue
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I'm glad to know Lila is doing fine now. Poor girl.
3. The politician who video called into a debate on a distracted driving law while...driving his car
Andrew Brenner, a Republican state senator in Ohio, might get the award for the dumbest possible Zoom mishap. He supported a law for stricter penalties for distracted driving while clearly driving and participating in the video call. Brenner seemingly tried to hide where he was with a shoddy virtual background...which did nothing to conceal his seatbelt. It's just comically bad.
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4. A rocky grilled cheese tutorial
OK, so this one is just my fantastic colleague Nicole Gallucci getting schooled on making a grilled cheese by the one and only Guy Fieri. It might not be a huge mishap, but it is a funny work-from-home moment.
5. There's no other way to say this: a live streamed butt injection
Miami Herald crime reporter David Ovalle documented perhaps the strangest multitasking ever: appearing in court and getting a butt injection simultaneously.
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6. OK, another strange one in Miami from Ovalle
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You've got to respect that he would show up, to be honest.
7. And finally, Jason freakin' Sudeikis
The wonderful, hilarious actor called into the Golden Globes in a frankly sick tie-dyed hoodie. This was, in no way, a Zoom fail. But it was a wonderful work-from-home moment that I wanted to celebrate.
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The Onision documentary is overshadowed by its own controversy
A new documentary series investigating Onision, a YouTuber accused of abusive behavior and grooming by multiple women, brings the story to a wider, less online audience. But the series premiere was marred by criticism from the very YouTube community that brought the story to mainstream light.
Onision: In Real Life is a three-episode docuseries that premiered on Discovery's streaming platform discovery+ on Jan. 4, 2021. It looks into Gregory (sometimes James) Jackson, known online as Onision. The now 35-year-old began posting videos in 2007, garnering a largely teenage following with his shocking sketches, viral music videos, and inflammatory, misogynistic rants. (YouTube has not banned him from the platform in spite of complaints from other users.)
Onision has also displayed a pattern of pursuing relationships with his much younger fans, prompting other YouTubers to post videos calling to deplatform him. YouTubers known as commentary creators have posted hours of content about Onision and his alleged abuse, stitching together overlapping timelines through screenshots, clips from now-deleted Onision videos, and correspondence with survivors.
At least six women(Opens in a new tab) have accused Onision of abuse, and several were interviewed on Chris Hansen's YouTube livestream, Have a Seat With Chris Hansen, in late 2019. While his series undoubtedly alerted a wider audience to Onision's alleged predatory behavior, many in the YouTube community have expressed reservations about Hansen's intentions in bringing the story to a mainstream distributor like discovery+. In fact, Hansen's deal(Opens in a new tab) with Investigative Discovery deterred a number of survivors from appearing in Onision: In Real Life.
Onision has denied allegations of predatory behavior and abuse.
Onision's downfall
The first two episodes of Onision: In Real Life focus on Onision's alleged abuse of his much younger partners and persistent harassment of women online. It features interviews with Onision's estranged father, Randy Daniel, who sheds light on his son's violent past and alleges that Onision attacked him. YouTuber Eugenia Cooney, who was the target of a relentless online harassment campaign led by Onision, also appears in the series to discuss his inappropriate fixation on her appearance and eating disorder. The series paints Onision as something of a charismatic cult leader who used his popularity and online following to coerce young women into romantic relationships, levying his audience against them when the relationships ended.
"The entirety of this journey in the last 12 years has really been me thinking that I was totally alone in it."
"The entirety of this journey in the last 12 years has really been me thinking that I was totally alone in it," Shiloh Hoganson, a singer known mononymously as Shiloh, told Mashable.
Shiloh began communicating with Onision as a 17-year-old fan. Onision, then 25, divorced his wife and formally introduced Shiloh as his girlfriend in a YouTube video weeks before her 18th birthday. She alleges that over the course of their relationship, he emotionally tormented her so severely, she had a stress-induced seizure that he recorded and posted footage of online. Onision: In Real Life includes scenes from now-deleted YouTube videos that show Onision recording Shiloh in the shower, forcing her to shave her head, and joking about abusing her. By the time their relationship ended for good roughly a year later, Shiloh had been hospitalized for suicide ideation, harassed by Onision's fans, and developed sepsis following a miscarriage.
Shiloh, an alleged Onision victim and past Canadian teen pop star,Credit: Discovery Channel
"When I found out there were others like me, [it] kind of ended a long 12 years of me thinking that there was nobody else that could understand what I was going through," Shiloh continued. "I felt a little less crazy for sure."
Onision's disturbing pattern of relationships with fans continued. One survivor alleges that the YouTuber and his husband, Kai Avaroe, invited her to visit them and coerced the newly 18-year-old into group sex. Another survivor, who began messaging Avaroe when she was 15 and briefly lived with the couple due to a volatile home life, alleges that Avaroe and Onision sent her explicit photos and made sexual comments about her when she was still a minor. Avaroe, who was also accused of grooming minors with Onision, was 17 when he began dating then 26-year-old Onision. They married a month after Avaroe's 18th birthday, roughly nine months after Onision and Shiloh broke up for good.
Given his past hosting To Catch A Predator, Hansen's coverage of Onision was initially met with enthusiasm from commentary creators, YouTube audiences, and the survivors themselves, who hoped that his mainstream influence would push YouTube and law enforcement to take action against Onision. Hansen's interview series gained popularity and culminated in an attempt to confront Onision outside his home in Washington, prompting the YouTuber to file for a restraining order against creator Daniel Sulzbach (known as Repzion) and the wrong Chris Hansen(Opens in a new tab). Sulzbach first raised concerns about Onision and his treatment of Shiloh in a 2011 video(Opens in a new tab). He has since made dozens of videos updating his followers about Jackson's behavior, as well as exposed several other YouTubers as predators.
Onision dropped the lawsuit against both parties in early 2020.
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Have a Seat With Chris Hansen sparked the 2019 survivor-led online campaign #DeplatformPredators, which called for social media sites to ban Onision in an effort to prevent him from directly interacting with his young fans. Onision has since been banned from Twitch and Patreon(Opens in a new tab) for violating terms of service, but he continues to post monetized content on YouTube and OnlyFans. He's still able to interact with his fans via Twitter and Discord. The Pierce County Sheriff's Department in Washington, where Onision and Avaroe reside, received a flood of phone calls "from around the country" reporting the couple. Newsweek obtained a call log from the police department that states "the FBI has opened a case and are reviewing his [Onision's] video content" following public concern.
But public favor turned against Hansen as his YouTube series dealt with its own controversy.
Viewers lose trust in Hansen
A survivor sent Hansen's "web producer," Vincent Nicotra, her laptop with alleged evidence of her relationship with Onision and Avaroe to send to the FBI. In now-deleted tweets(Opens in a new tab) from January 2020, she said Nicotra never passed it on to law enforcement, further stalling the investigation against her abuser. Viewers and other YouTubers also raised concerns(Opens in a new tab) about Nicotra harassing survivors, copyright striking creators who posted videos criticizing the interview series so their videos were either demonetized or removed, and doxxing those he disagreed with. Hansen was slow to take action against Nicotra, but did eventually fire him and apologized for Nicotra's misuse of the YouTube copyright striking system. Nicotra was arrested(Opens in a new tab) for aggravated harassment in September 2020; Hansen tweeted(Opens in a new tab) that there was "not much" he could say as Nicotra was under an active investigation.
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A statement released by Hansen's volunteer livestream moderation team cast further doubt on Hansen's ability to lead the investigation into Onision's alleged abuse.
"Ultimately Chris Hansen is well-intentioned and out of his depth of knowledge in regards to the internet and online culture."
"Chris has also been approached about Vincent and his conduct a number of times, and has said that he would like to fire him. Unfortunately, Chris has said that he also needs to figure out how to replace him so that this can happen," the moderation team statement said. "We are unsure of the truth of this statement, but are in mutual agreement that ultimately Chris Hansen is well-intentioned and out of his depth of knowledge in regards to the internet and online culture."
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That's a sentiment widely held in the YouTube commentary community. Most creators who have been covering Onision for years believe that Hansen has good intentions exposing creators like Onision and, more recently, Blood on the Dance Floor singer and alleged child groomer Dahvie Vanity(Opens in a new tab), but that he lacks a fundamental understanding of YouTube itself. Mista G Dubs, a commentary creator, described(Opens in a new tab) Hansen fumbling Nicotra's online actions as "'boomer'ing it up." Another creator, iNabber, described Hansen as "the guy to take down Onision," but noted that Hansen's hesitation to fire Nicotra hurt his own credibility.
"At the end of the day it's not going to cause any good for this case...The facts are this has damaged Chris Hansen's investigation," iNabber said in a video(Opens in a new tab) recapping the situation. "At the end of the day it was Chris who chose to work with these people, it was Chris who chose to use these methods. Maybe he used these methods before, but YouTube is a whole different thing to a television show."
Whose story is this to tell?
YouTubers, and consequently their viewers, voiced further skepticism about Hansen's intentions in covering the story when a Mel(Opens in a new tab) profile of the journalist reported that Investigation Discovery "bought the rights" to the Onision story. Mel later clarified that Hansen "signed a deal with Investigation Discovery to do a TV series on the Onision story," and Hansen tweeted that nobody is "selling rights to a story" in producing this documentary. But he hasn't divulged the details of his deal with Investigation Discovery, nor how much he's making from appearing in this series. The clarification added to the profile sparked a debate within the YouTube community about whose story this was to tell in the first place, and the ethical dilemma of raising awareness while profiting off the survivors' trauma.
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Following the laptop debacle and Nicotra's dismissal, several survivors who were interviewed for Have a Seat With Chris Hansen declined to be interviewed again for the documentary. One tweeted(Opens in a new tab) about feeling betrayed that Shiloh and Regina, another woman whose involvement with Onision and Avaroe allegedly began when she was a minor, agreed to appear in Onision: In Real Life. Another asked(Opens in a new tab) her Twitter followers to stop messaging her about Onision, as she was "trying to distance" herself from that part of her life.
Because of the survivors' refusal to take part in the documentary, several commentary creators declined to partake as well, including Sulzbach. In a video posted in September 2020, Sulzbach voiced his support for the survivors and his concerns about Hansen's involvement in the project.
"Several of the victims said they did not want their stories/trauma told on national TV and I was told their stories would be included regardless of their consent or not," Sulzbach said in an email to Mashable. "Also Chris Hansen isn't the person who he promised to be in delivering justice to the victims of Onision. Most of the victims have disassociated with Chris Hansen because they felt lied to, betrayed, and exploited."
Chris Hansen faced backlash from the YouTube community following his Onision investigation.Credit: Discovery Channel
Hansen, to his credit, does acknowledge that he's an outsider. In a Zoom call with Mashable, he described the backlash to the documentary as a "clash of cultures" between traditional and digital media. It's the survivors' "right," Hansen said, to not have to rehash their traumatic experiences by appearing in the documentary. But Hansen still believes that bringing the story, regardless of whether or not the survivors wanted it told, to a larger audience was "inevitable."
"There's been no justice, so why not do this? Why not pursue it at the next level?"
"There's been no justice, so why not do this? Why not pursue it at the next level?" Hansen said.
He added that the allegations against Onision haven't been taken as seriously as they should have been over the last 10 years because they were dismissed as YouTube drama instead of potentially criminal abusive behavior. He also blamed YouTubers for keeping Onision relevant by continuing to take his bait and making more content about him, and pointed out that their criticism seems hollow, as many still post monetized videos about the Onision case.
"Part of the reason that some are not taken seriously is because they engage in this drama channel culture where they will do anything and see anything and drag somebody's name to get clicks and clout," Hansen continued. "So by attacking the messenger, in this case, they can garner clicks and clout, which means money. So anyone who's being critical because [we're] generating some sort of profit from this project is guilty of it by doing what they're doing."
Hansen and discovery+, however, do have the added backing and financial security of the television network behind them. YouTubers, for the most part, independently source, record, edit, and secure advertising. And if they're sued or face a copyright strike, they're on their own.
Who gets credit?
Although he's far from the first person to publicly condemn Onision as an alleged abuser, Onision: In Real Life paints Hansen as the whistleblower who brought the story to light. In the first episode, internet culture reporter Steven Asarch appears to credit "Chris Hansen's YouTube story" as the catalyst for the internet-wide push to deplatform Onision. In a tweet posted after the first episode's premiere, Asarch clarified that the comment was meant to be sarcastic and that he hoped later episodes would include his reservations about Hansen.
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Edwin Costa, a YouTuber who posts on the channel Edwins Generation, was the only commentary creator who actually appeared in the documentary. In a livestream(Opens in a new tab) responding to the backlash, Costa said he agreed to be interviewed because "if it was any other documentary" asking him to discuss a topic he's covered as extensively as the Onision story, he "wouldn't decline." He also explained that he amended his release so he wouldn't be included in any promotional materials, but leaked screeners exposed him to online criticism before he could explain his involvement on his "own terms." Costa added that he criticized Hansen during his interview, as well as expressed reservations about Shiloh, who was embroiled in her own controversy last year for being hostile toward Twitter users who questioned her and the other survivors. But like Asarch, Costa hasn't seen the third and final episode, which streams next week, and isn't sure whether any of his criticisms were included.
Ultimately, Hansen's involvement in the documentary not only soured its reception in the YouTube community, but also kept key voices from being included. Onision: In Real LIfe at least blurs the faces of the survivors who declined to appear in the documentary, but it still includes clips of their appearances on Onision and Kai's channels, as well as clips of their interviews with Hansen. Though doing so is legally protected under fair use exceptions, many in the YouTube community find it morally reprehensible. The inclusion of those interviews and other clips by creators who declined to be interviewed added to the belief that Hansen, and by extension Investigative Discovery, valued the story over the survivors who were actually part of it.
The series premiere backfired even more when its publicists sent screeners to commentary creators, nearly all of whom declined interviews, and asked them to publicly post their thoughts. Many were predictably critical. Some were offended that the series expected free promotion. For all their criticism of the documentary series and Shiloh's involvement in it, commentary creators affirmed that they still believed the survivors. Nobody conflated their disapproval of the series with siding with the alleged abuser in question. Onision, though, has been using the backlash against the series to discredit survivors and dismiss their allegations as "hashtag Me Too fake victims."
"Discovery could have bypassed Chris Hansen entirely," YouTuber Jaclyn Glenn said in a recent video(Opens in a new tab) reacting to the documentary. She was interviewed for Have a Seat With Chris Hansen, but like many commentary creators, does not appear in Onision: In Real Life. "He's not an integral part of the story at all. He came in at the last second, basically hijacked it, and said it was his."
At the end of the day, Onision: In Real Life will alert a more offline audience to not only Jackson's behavior, but also to the insidious nature of potential online predators. It's far from an ideal delivery, and its reputation will always be damaged by the controversy surrounding its production.
That being said, this documentary will not be the end of the Onision saga. Jackson still has a monetizable online presence through YouTube and OnlyFans, and the reception to this documentary shouldn't overshadow the push for those platforms to take accountability for enabling him. Hansen told Mashable that any criminal investigation into Onision will likely take months more, especially as the COVID-19 pandemic derails normal procedures, but added that YouTube needs to ban him entirely.
Shiloh said she doesn't agree with all aspects of "cancel culture," but acknowledged that it exists for a reason. To protect vulnerable children from ever experiencing what she went through, she added, the onus should be on YouTube itself to hold its creators accountable when their users raise concerns. Until then, she'll keep sharing her story regardless of the delivery or platform.
"I used to just scream it out into the internetverse, as I used to say, but as soon as I started realizing that I didn't really owe anybody an explanation, I can genuinely say that I don't really feel pressured to talk about it," Shiloh concluded. "It's mostly now just something that I live with, and something that's part of my healing [is] talking about it. I'm definitely not going to go quiet about it anytime soon."
UPDATE: Jan. 15, 2021, 10:50 a.m. PST Onision responded via Twitter DM to dispute allegations of predatory behavior and abuse, and sent links to blog posts on his own website as evidence.
Onision has denied interviews in past coverage, and has instead responded to requests for comment with links to his blog posts and paid platforms.
Where to buy sex toys online (including Target and Sephora)
Whether you're looking for your very first vibrator or have lost count of how many sex toys you have in your collection, the internet can be a pretty great place to find your next toy.
Of course, the insane amount of options that make finding that just-right sex toy possible can also make the process more overwhelming than you'd wish, especially for a product that's supposed to deliver big on pleasure.
SEE ALSO:
Best sex toys for women: Take pleasure into your own hands
So where does one begin? The first step is to make sure you're going to retailers that make quality products. Sex toys get a lot less fun when they're not made out of materials that are okay to go on or in your genitals. To best guarantee this, we highly recommend shopping directly from trusted names in the sex toy business or from the manufacturers themselves, both of which you'll find on this list.
And while a dose of healthy skepticism at any suspiciously low prices is always good (again we cannot express enough how important quality is for your safety), that doesn't mean that you'll have to break the bank to boost the thrills in your bedroom.
So go forth, and take your first digital steps into your next sex toy journey with these 17 online shops. If you need any more guidance making your selections, we have a handy guide, along with a few recommendations below for each shop.
1. Lovehoney(Opens in a new tab)
If it’s sex toys you’re looking for, the XBIZ Award winner for “International Pleasure Products Company of the Year” is a good place to start. Lovehoney can sell you toys, sure, but you can also find a podcast on their site that answers customer questions and delivers expert advice, sex tips, and even little-known facts about sex! Lovehoney is clearly committed to sexual health and wellness, making their online shopping experience easy and comfortable.
Some current best sellers include the Magic Wand Plus Extra-Powerful Plug-In Vibrator(Opens in a new tab), a Womanizer x We-Vibe limited edition set, and the Njoy Pure Wand(Opens in a new tab).
Credit: Njoy
Credit: Magic Wand
2. Babeland(Opens in a new tab)
Don't be fooled by the name, this one's not just for the babes out there. Before you've really narrowed down your search, Babeland is a great first stop for seeing a finely curated inventory of sex toys, from top brands like Womanizer(Opens in a new tab), Satisfyer(Opens in a new tab), and Njoy(Opens in a new tab). So whether you're looking for that all-time classic Hitachi wand(Opens in a new tab), a new Tenga Spinner masturbation sleeve(Opens in a new tab) (aka one of our favorite budget toys for penises), or just starting to browse, this site has got you covered, without giving you so many options that your search becomes overwhelming.
In addition to providing an impressive stock of vibrators, suction toys, dildos, couples toys, BDSM supplies, and most other popular sex toys that are out on the market, Babeland also hosts free online education events(Opens in a new tab) so you have the supplies and the know-how to really explore your sexuality.
We give Tenga a ten(ga) for providing unique sensations. Credit: Tenga
3. PinkCherry(Opens in a new tab)
Like Lovehoney, PinkCherry promotes a sex-positive atmosphere with blog posts(Opens in a new tab) about sexual wellness and satisfaction, like “Vibrators For Men: Pleasure on the Rise(Opens in a new tab)” and “How to Clean a Dildo for Safe Personal Pleasure(Opens in a new tab).” Oh, and they also sell sex toys. Go figure!
PinkCherry offers a wide assortment of adult pleasure items and sexual wellness tools for various tastes and comfort levels. You’ll find all the usual stuff like vibrators(Opens in a new tab) and lubricants(Opens in a new tab), along with bondage tools and attire(Opens in a new tab) and autostrokers(Opens in a new tab). You can also find current deals(Opens in a new tab) on site products like the Satisfyer Pro 2(Opens in a new tab) and the Bodywand Midnight Massager(Opens in a new tab).
4. Adam & Eve(Opens in a new tab)
Some of you may be Adam & Eve regulars and some of you only know them because you stayed up too late watching TV and saw an ad. Either way, chances are high you can find the sex toy you’re looking for from the adult toy store that turned 50 this year. They do say sex only gets better with age.
Some best sellers include Eve’s Rechargeable Thrusting Rabbit(Opens in a new tab) and the Big O Multi-Stage Vibrating Penis Ring(Opens in a new tab).
The site also includes sections for gay (AdamMale(Opens in a new tab)) and lesbian (Eve’s Toys(Opens in a new tab)) shoppers.
Eve's thrusting rabbit allows you to sit back and relax. Credit: Adam and Eve
5. Eve’s Toys(Opens in a new tab)
The Adam & Eve sub-site with toys and other pleasure products designed for lesbians offers vibrators(Opens in a new tab), kink toys(Opens in a new tab), strap-ons(Opens in a new tab) and many more. The Double Delight Strap-On(Opens in a new tab) is a current best seller and allows the wearer to “feel it thrust into you while you do some thrusting of your own!”
Double down on delight with this strap-on. Credit: Pipedream
6. AdamMale(Opens in a new tab)
The other sub-site of Adam & Eve, with toys and other adult products geared toward gay men, has dildos(Opens in a new tab), masturbators(Opens in a new tab), cock rings, anal douches... the whole nine inche – yards. Yards.
Right, back to cocks and stuff. More specifically, Adam’s True Feel Cock(Opens in a new tab), a best seller listed at $44.95 that's currently on sale for $22.48. The Satisfyer Men Beads(Opens in a new tab) are also flying off the virtual shelves and into bedrooms.
7. Unbound(Opens in a new tab)
Looking for an aesthetically pleasing sex toy brand that's affordable and actually delivers? Yes, it's real, and it's Unbound. This women-run brands boasts a solid selection from toys, from a compact vibe(Opens in a new tab) we're personally big fans of, as well as other finds like their best-selling suction toy(Opens in a new tab), flexible vibrator(Opens in a new tab), and beginner-friendly butt plug(Opens in a new tab).
Credit: Unbound
Credit: Unbound
8. Lelo(Opens in a new tab)
Say you're feeling pretty happy with your base collection of sex toys and are now on the hunt for something a little more luxury — look no further than Lelo. The brand sells sex toys with an extra something, like a rabbit vibrator(Opens in a new tab) that replicates the "come hither" motion inside of you (and actually works) and a clit suction stimulator(Opens in a new tab) that proves to be a bit of a tease, in the best way possible. As it is a higher-end brand, be prepared to shell out a bit more — many of their best sellers(Opens in a new tab) are $150 and up.
9. Dame(Opens in a new tab)
For a manufacturer that sits between Unbound and Lelo in terms of price range but brings some innovative and impressive products to the table, you'll definitely want to check out Dame. From a hands-free vibrator(Opens in a new tab) to an intercourse game-changer(Opens in a new tab), Dame has made plenty of products(Opens in a new tab) worth raving about, and oh, have we(Opens in a new tab) raved(Opens in a new tab). Dame's sex toys feel good, look good, and if for whatever reason you don't find them to be absolutely satisfying, you can return them within 60 days for store credit, which is (unfortunately) not too common for most sex toy retailers.
Credit: Dame
Credit: Dame
10. Maude(Opens in a new tab)
If you're not really a fan of the traditional gendered marketing around sex toys, meet Maude. The brand — whose name reflects its mission to redefine modern intimacy — doesn't categorize its sex toys as being for "men" and "women". In fact, it doesn't call its vibrators and butt plugs sex toys at all, opting instead to call them devices. While their approach feels like a breath of fresh air, even better are their prices — their standard Vibe(Opens in a new tab) is one of our favorite budget picks, and the Drop makes for a great (and gorgeous) addition to any vibrator collection.
The Maude Drop is actually a work of art.Credit: Maude
11. Sephora(Opens in a new tab)
If you're intrigued by Dame and Maude's products but wouldn't mind earning some Beauty Insider points with your purchase, Sephora's intimate care(Opens in a new tab) section has got you covered. The beauty retailer started selling sex toys in February 2022, offering a new place to pick up some of the best vibes from both brands, from Dame's Pom(Opens in a new tab) to the Maude Vibe(Opens in a new tab). Although you won't find the products in stores (at least, not yet), it's still plenty convenient to pick up setting powder and a sex toy in the same online shopping trip.
12. Sunset Novelties(Opens in a new tab)
Sunset Novelties stores may only be located in the Southeastern U.S., but that doesn’t mean they can’t ship to you. So if you’re in the market for a new vibrator(Opens in a new tab), butt plug(Opens in a new tab), sex enhancer(Opens in a new tab), or even a stripper pole(Opens in a new tab)(!!!), you don’t have to be a Southerner to get your hands on one. Maybe even pair that new pole with an exotic dancer ensemble(Opens in a new tab) in whatever style you’re looking for.
New year, new fitness resolutions, amiright?Credit: sunset novelties
13. Wet For Her(Opens in a new tab)
Wet For Her is an adult toy store that was founded in Paris, France, in 2009, designed for lesbians and the queer community. “Owner and CEO Alice Derock was disappointed to discover that the sex toy industry was limited when it came to non-phallic sex toys for the lesbian and queer community... It was this that inspired Alice to create products specifically for lesbians and queer women,” their site reads. Eight different styles of dildos, harnesses, finger extenders(Opens in a new tab), the best-selling scissoring vibrator(Opens in a new tab), and of course, much more. Not to be forgotten is a line of “gender-affirming trans-masculine products(Opens in a new tab),”(Opens in a new tab) like binders, packers, and a Trans Masc Pump(Opens in a new tab).
"RockHer" with that mini scissoring vibrator.Credit: wet for her
14. The Kink Store(Opens in a new tab)
It’s exactly what it sounds like. The Kink Store is a destination for sex toys, attire, and equipment for those looking to explore their sexual kinks. You'll find toys for chastity(Opens in a new tab), BDSM(Opens in a new tab), electro-sex(Opens in a new tab), impact play(Opens in a new tab), and a number of other kinks. The electro-sex-handy TAZapper(Opens in a new tab), which delivers “a non-penetrating static spark of electricity,” is a staff favorite and best seller. It also kind of looks like a sexual lightsaber, which we think is pretty neat.
According to its description, the TAZapper is "perfect for intimidation!"Credit: TAZapper
15. BoyZshop(Opens in a new tab)
This one’s for da boyz. BoyZshop’s collection of gay sex toys and products spans multiple tastes and experience levels. You'll find penetrative toys and non-penetrative toys. Kink gear(Opens in a new tab). Sex machines(Opens in a new tab). Lube. Prep products(Opens in a new tab) like enemas. Whether you’re just looking for a standard dildo or if you’re exploring urethral play(Opens in a new tab), BoyZshop offers options for both ... and a heck of a lot in between.
16. Target(Opens in a new tab)
Yes, Target sells everything, including sex toys. So next time you’re out to grab some game day snacks and paper plates, go ahead and pick up a plusOne Rechargeable Dual Vibrating Massager(Opens in a new tab) or the Lelo Sona 2 Cruise(Opens in a new tab) while you’re at it. This is what a “Target run” looks like in 2021, and we’re not upset about it.
Get all of your essentials at Target — including luxury sex toys like the Lelo Sona Cruise 2.Credit: Lelo
17. Amazon(Opens in a new tab)
You buy everything else from Amazon, so why not sex toys? You can find just about any toy you’re looking for, from a variety of pleasure product brands from Lynx to Shibari. Plus, that Prime shipping means you won't have to wait long to try out your new finds. The main drawback from purchasing from third-party stores like Amazon is that you do run a higher risk of buying toys that aren't authentic or made from the right materials, so before clicking add to cart, make sure you're doing your research before hitting "Add to Cart."
Best sellers(Opens in a new tab) range from vibrators to lube to lingerie. More specifically, you'll find favorites like the Fleshlight Quickshot Vantage(Opens in a new tab) and plusOne bullet vibrator(Opens in a new tab).
Related Video: The best sex toys to buy during quarantine
"Story of my life"? More like please don’t story your whole life, or at least do so tastefully.
Over the past few years, Instagram Stories have cannibalized Snapchat and emerged supreme as the premiere location to show off shaky cam concert footage and puppy-dog selfies. But with great power comes great misuse of a platform.
We’ve all succumb to the desire to constantly cherry pick the juiciest parts of our life and share them with anyone who cares to tune in. Sometimes, though, those juicy bits don’t taste, sound, or look very good to those of us consuming them.
It’s time for a crash course in Instaquette (Instagram etiquette, duh).
12. The 'New Post' Story
Don’t post your post to your story to your post to your story to your post…
If you post something, we’ll see it in due time.
Just like Bebe Rexha said in her hit song with that country singer: "If it’s meant to be, it’ll be." If we’re meant to see your post, we will. You mustn’t shove it down our throats by posting it on your story with a GIF or scribbles over it, concealing the very thing we just might have been interested in seeing. That’s called overkill, friends.
I wouldn’t have minded scrolling by and throwing you a like, organically. But now that I know you want me to see something, I will actively avoid looking at it, Birdbox style.
11. The Work Out Photos Story
We get it, you like to get your iPhone sweaty.
It’s 2019. We’re all for body positivity and going after your goals in a healthy way. Strive! A nice, strong gym post is cool. But to constantly barrage us with poorly lit semi-self conscious pics of you flexing is poor form. Leave it to Kim Kardashian. Do your squats and your pull ups and then barrage us with pics in those jeans that are beginning to fit like a second skin. Double negative if you’re forcing your significant other to participate in your sweaty social gains. They just want to meet their PR without feeling pressured to appear swol to your 539 followers.
10. The Filmed Without Consent Story
Let your friends do their thing without turning it into a production.
If your friend wants to be filmed, we guarantee they will do something to warrant a recording sesh. It’s just not cool to constantly be filming your friends’ every move. Soon, they’ll start to feel like they can’t do anything around you without feeling like Britney circa 2006.
There’s nothing more cringe-worthy than watching someone publicly squirm under the lens of their friend's iPhone.
9. The Pointless Poll Story
They see me pollin’, they hatin’.
Bad Instagram Stories faux pas #2871840Credit:
If you’re going to put a poll in your story, and yes there is a right and wrong time for a poll. Please adhere to poll etiquette.
For the love of all that is good, place your poll in the center of the screen so we don’t accidentally vote if we’re trying to move on to the next slide. OR conversely when we are aggressively trying to vote on your poll and you’ve placed it so far to the left that we end up clicking backwards. We don’t need to see your story twice.
Finally, the polls that read "yes" or "yes, but in red" need to die. It was never funny.
8. The Terrible Music Story
If you play a song through your speakers, you’re dead to us.
Instagram went out of their way for you, and you have shown no gratitude. We’re looking at you Kylie Jenner. That’s right, we’re talking about playing songs through your phone’s speakers instead of the music feature on the app. We would have listened to AM radio if we wanted our music reception to go in and out, so we sure as hell don’t want it coming from your iPhone.
7. The Facetune'd Child Story
We don’t want to see your baby smoother than a glazed doughnut, Rebecca.
If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a thousand times. DON’T FACETUNE YOUR CHILDREN. Babies are naturally cute. There is no need to morph or transform their bodies, thus holding them to ridiculous beauty/cuteness standards, before they even know what ridiculous beauty standards are. We really thought this one should be an obvious don’t, but as per usual the internet has found a way to disappoint us.
6. The Never-ending Rant Story
Go 👏 off 👏 but 👏 respect 👏 the 👏 medium
Listen, sometimes you just gotta go TF off — whether that be about a topic of social injustice, or when you feel personally attacked by the vicious moms who fought you for dominance at the Bath and Body Works Candle Day Sale™.
Unfortunately, the time limit of Story clips don’t necessarily lend themselves to a 30 minute impassioned critique of the cisheteropatriarchy. And we guarantee that people would love to hear it — if only you weren’t getting cut off every 15 seconds. Next time a particular issue lights a fire within you, spark it up on YouTube instead.
5. The BFF Birthday Story
It’s my party, and I’ll post 9,000,000 clips if I want to.
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🎵 Happy Birthday dear [yourfriendthatidon’tknow], Happy Birthday to you! 🎵 It’s literally Birthday Law that you must spend the day hyping up your bestie on their birthday — but do we really care? Yes, we’re sure your friend’s #bdayLook is bomb. Yes, that party looks like it’s jumping. Yes, that cake looks delish. But are we there? No. BFF birthday stories are the epitome of JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out) — watching people you don’t know have fun is boring, not glamorous.
4. The Boomerang Clipshow Story
Nothing but Boomerangs for days.
When the Boomerang first came to Instagram, having your own personal GIF machine was a fun, inventive way to liven up your feed. Now that the novelty has worn off, though, we’re begging you to stop. There’s so many more features available to you on Stories now: face filters, zooming in with music, uhh….other things! We don’t need a whiplash-inducing video of you chugging your third cocktail of the night.
3. The Tons of Unreadable Text Story
OH GOD MY EYES
You don’t need a degree in Color Theory to slap some aesthetically pleasing text onto your Story, but at the very least please try and make it readable. There’s nothing worse than attempting to speed-read 0.2 size cursive neon green font on a bright yellow border in less than 15 seconds before the Story switches. Crowding the screen with text also takes away from the actual photo itself, if you took one. This is not a comic book, so don’t fill your stories up with speech bubbles.
2. The Filming Your Drive Story
Yes, a video of the street you’re driving down is EXACTLY the content I was looking for.
Everyone knows you shouldn’t text and drive, or at least that’s what we thought. That includes Instagram, guys. Not only is it dangerous and could cause bodily harm to you or others, but we can guarantee that absolutely no one cares about you filming yourself talking or blasting the bass through your crappy car speakers.
No one asked for this content, in fact, we’re asking that it stop.
1. The Concert Story
If we wanted to see that concert, we would’ve bought a ticket.
We’re so glad you went to that concert. We really are. Live your joy. But watching said concert playback on a 5-inch glass screen with sound quality that makes it seem like it was recorded on a Nintendo DS was never part of our plan.
Unless you’re literally backstage with the artist, please refrain from recording back-to-back snippets of their concert. Your seats aren’t even that good so we can’t differentiate the artist from their backup dancers. This also applies to Storying in a loud club. Unless Jaden Smith is holding a sparkler while simultaneously pouring you a shot of Grey Goose, refrain. We will not have the FOMO you’re so desperately trying to induce if our ears are bleeding. If you must post, kill the sound.
You can be better at Instagram Stories. We believe in you.Credit: GIPHY
The truth is that every Instagram story can easily be swiped away at a moment’s notice. You can speedrun through clips faster than your finger can graze glass (literally). None of these annoying stories will kill us, although we may claim they will — after all, we live for the drama.
But, like most people, we are genuinely interested in our friends’ lives. Just maybe not enough to put up with their Insta habits. As I’m sure legions of people throughout history would agree, some stories just aren’t meant to be told.
Apples new credit card gets compared to Billy McFarlands credit card scam
Someone didn't watch the Fyre Festival documentaries.
Apple announced its groundbreaking new pay feature during its event on Monday: A titanium credit card with no card number, no signature, no CVV, and no expiration date. All of the vital information would be stored in the Wallet app, so it's less of a credit card and more of a physical way to pay through the app.
As wonderful as it seems, Twitter users couldn't help but compare it to Magnises, the credit card/social club scam that Fyre Fest grifter Billy McFarland came up with before the disastrous music festival.
Like Apple Card, Magnises' appeal was that the card was metal, not just plastic. Apple's new card will apparently be made of titanium.
And of course, the whole cool factor.
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SEE ALSO:
What you should know about Billy McFarland's pre-Fyre Fest scam Magnises
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If Tim Cook promises Bahamian bungalows and beachfront sets, it's probably time to run.
UPDATE: March 25, 2019, 1:34 p.m. PDT Corrected "Apple Pay app" to "Wallet app."
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This supercut of Star Trek star Jonathan Frakes asking questions has gone gloriously viral
In the world of Twitter, pretty much anything can go viral.
It doesn't necessarily have to be incredibly shocking, or funny, or uplifting. Sometimes it's the most random things that do the best.
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Here to illustrate that point is Twitter user Zane Golia(Opens in a new tab)'s supercut of Star Trek star Jonathan Frakes asking rhetorical questions.
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Those clips are taken from Frakes' late '90s series Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction -- an exploration of the supernatural which has gained something of a cult following.
As the following YouTube video with a cool half million views suggests, it's also very popular supercut material.
Keep 'em coming.
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New York commuter prefers the company of a goblin wearing the same outfit as him
New York has truly seen it all.
This week on the subway, @bootyslime(opens in a new tab) observed a man sit down and casually take a goblin out of his bag wearing the same outfit as him. He then proceeded to put the thing on his lap like a child.
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This strange scene was corroborated by another watchful New Yorker who took video of this odd pair.
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After further research, the internet learned that this goblin is actually a "werepup(opens in a new tab)," or a very realistic looking "werewolf baby." Alright, sure. But why get dressed in matching outfits?
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Once you visit the website, they're a lot to take in.
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And also frightening.
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Well, you learn something new everyday. At least the subway man's werepup was nicely dressed and lived in an expensive Nike bag? Nothing but the best for his werepup?
Either way, it certainly makes riding the subway a lot more interesting.
2 activists have won the Nobel Peace Prize for their work to end sexual violence
Activists Nadia Murad and Denis Mukwege, who are working to end rape and sexual violence as weapons of war, were just awarded the 2018 Nobel Peace Prize.
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The two have both worked for years as activists, drawing attention to the widespread use of rape and sexual violence in wars across the globe. According(opens in a new tab) to Unicef, systematic rape as a weapon of war is linked to ethnic cleansing.
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Iraqi activist Nadia Murad is a survivor of rape and sexual slavery herself. Murad, who is a part of the religious minority of the Yazidi, was captured and enslaved by the terrorist organisation ISIS. Among other things, Murad has previously campaigned with Amal Clooney for justice for Yazidi women and girls who were subjected to rape and human trafficking by ISIS.
Denis Mukwege is a gynaecologist working in the war torn Democratic Republic of Congo (DR Congo). Mukwege has treated thousands of women and girls affected by rape and sexual violence in DR Congo. According(opens in a new tab) to a report from this year by Thompson Reuters, DR Congo is the second most dangerous country in the world for women in terms of sexual violence (India is number one).
The two were celebrated for their "crucial contribution to focusing attention on, and combating, such war crimes," the Nobel committee writes(opens in a new tab) in a statement.
"A more peaceful world can only be achieved if women and their fundamental rights and security are recognised and protected in war," the committee concluded.
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New study finds female-led films perform better at box office. Your move, Hollywood.
Movie audiences love women.
According to a study by Creative Arts Agency and shift7(opens in a new tab), films with women in leading roles earn more than their male counterparts at the box office, a finding which should lead to a major paradigm shift in show business.
“The perception that it’s not good business to have female leads is not true,” CAA agent Christy Haubegger told The New York Times(opens in a new tab). “They’re a marketing asset.”
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CAA and shift7 examined 350 top box office films from 2014 to 2017, defining "lead actor" as the first performer credited in official press materials (also of note: most of these films passed the Bechdel test). 105 of these were women. In every category broken down by budget, films with women in the lead outperformed those starring men.
Credit: shift7
Haubegger attributed this to the movie audience's desire to see something new, rather than say, yet another superhero origin story about a white guy. That's why stories about women perform better, as well as stories starring people of color(opens in a new tab) (the subject of a previous study).
The study was part of an active effort by CAA to diversify Hollywood with regard to women and people of color. But even in light of new research, Haubegger notes that change may be distant.
“A lot of times in our business there is a lot of bias disguising itself as knowledge,” Haubegger said. Translation: Finding could still be touch for women and minorities simply because those in power won't act.
But hopefully, with a study like this gaining traction and the obvious incentives of performance and revenue, Hollywood uses this momentum to improve.
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